She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
