Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
