i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
