I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
