I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
