I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
