I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
