Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
