Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
