Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
