New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
