We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
