I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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