He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize