I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
