I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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