I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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