I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
