Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
