..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize