girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this will be a night to untag.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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