He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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