note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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