I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
