pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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