Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
