She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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