one two three fourrrrnication!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
