You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
did i just pee glitter
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
