Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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