my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
