Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
