Having a random hookup so left but love u
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
