Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
