Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
