I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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