I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
