My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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