Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
