Jerry, you need to find god
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
