he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
