I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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