its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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