Barsexuality is the new black.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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