He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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