Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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