Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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