I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
