Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
