Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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