also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
