I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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