my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
