forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
