Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
