well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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