so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
