Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
