If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
In America we eat man semen.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
