some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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