I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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