i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
