know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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