He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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