he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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