I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
