So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
